do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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