WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I would ride that face into the sunset
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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