She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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