I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
