I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sext me about skeletons
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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