I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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