How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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