I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
