K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just cropdusted the office
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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