Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Randomize
