Just fell off a train. Bad.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
