Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
