Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
