Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
