have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
