i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
