so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I will pee on everything he values.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have aggressive nipples.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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