she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
