You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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