Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize