***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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