Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
