Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm having to shit out rocks
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