That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
