so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
