Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
sarcasm needs its own font
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
