I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My vagina is officially offended.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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