my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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