Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
