My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want to make out with him forever
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
