I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Randomize
