I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize