Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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