Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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