Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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