I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
