Swine flu. Run for my life!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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