The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
