no, he came in my armpit
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize