True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
