She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
