Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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