OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
