drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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