just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
