4 words: hood of his car
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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