Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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