hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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