Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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