just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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