So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
