So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
