I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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