I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i wish my penis had a tongue
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
