We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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