This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize