he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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