Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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