i permit you to call me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
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