Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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