What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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