if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
