Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
