He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
