You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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