I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
