I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
