Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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