Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
